When Husbands Hurt Us...
Author: Georgene Girouard
I think one of the greatest truths that God has taught me concerning peace in my marriage is not to take up
offense and not to retaliate. So many years of our marriage was spent fighting and fussin’ with one another.
Something would be said in a tone that the other spouse didn’t like, then they would pop off with a smart remark
and then the fight was on. As God began to teach me about not getting offended, I eventually was able to keep my
mouth shut, but I began to see that I was still taking up offense because I would pull away from my husband
emotionally and physically and keep my distance. Without realizing it, this became my way of repaying him for the
wrong I felt he had done to me.
A cold stare, an unkind remark, silence, a sullen distant mood. These are the sinful weapons used to punish those
who we feel have done us an injustice. The world we live in promotes this. Just look on an afternoon talk show and
you’ll see how audiences seem to thrive on one person standing up for their rights to another. But, as wise women
know, God’s ways are not man’s ways and the fruit of those kind of actions bring nothing but strife and discord to a
marriage.
As believers we continue to learn that the way of the kingdom is so opposite from what our flesh wants to do. We
desire to make our husbands pay for the hurt they have caused us. We don’t always think of it in those terms but
when we turn from them in our hearts and harbor bitter resentment then that is exactly what we are doing. But, our
God tells us that if we are His children then we must "turn to him the other cheek." Have you really thought about
what that scripture says? Jesus is basically saying, "instead of avenging yourselves , prepare for another assault,
and bear it patiently." That is really what it is saying, isn’t it? If someone struck us on the cheek and we turned to
him the other cheek then we are prepared for another assault.
How many times will we offend others in this lifetime? How many times will we offend our own husbands, even on a
daily basis? Can we not reasonably expect that our husbands, who are sinners just as we are, will also offend us
Proverbs 20:22
"Do not say, I will repay evil; wait (expectantly) for the Lord, and He will rescue you.
I got excited when I found this saying and plan to post it somewhere to memorize it. I believe it will quench that
desire to retaliate if we stop and ask ourselves if we could pray for God to assist us in our attitude towards our
husband. I know in all honesty I could not pray, "Lord, please help me to really give my husband the cold shoulder.
Help me to ignore him when he asks me a question. Help me to look at him in a way that makes him feel 2 feet tall."
Yeah. I can really see myself praying that prayer.
We must trust ourselves to God, and leave it to him to plead our cause, to maintain our right, and reckon with
those that do us wrong in such a way and manner as he thinks fit and in his own due time: "Wait on the Lord,
and attend his pleasure, seek in his will, and he does not say that he will punish him that has injured
thee (instead of desiring that thou must forgive him and pray for him), but he will save thee, and that is
enough. He will protect thee, so that thy passing by one injury shall not (as is commonly feared)
expose thee to another; nay, he will recompense good to thee, to balance thy trouble and encourage
thy patience," as David hoped, when Shimei cursed him, 2 Sam. 16:12.
I know that this topic brings up many questions in our minds concerning abuse. I’d like to say before we continue
that I am not advocating a woman to stand by as she or her child are physically being struck. Please
understand that the area I am dealing with today has to do with our every day relationships with our husbands
where an unkind word is said (maybe even harsh), or perhaps an angry, impatient, demanding tone is displayed or
they have neglected their duty towards us. Perhaps a child is spoken to harshly or given an unfair punishment. We
are all guilty of these gestures, either in heart or deed, so I am not signaling out our husbands as being the only
offenders.
Over the years my husband and I have laid down our rights for each other and as a result God has done things in
our marriage that I only dreamed of at one time. We truly have become each others best friend. This kind of
marriage does not come without a price. That price is a giving up of our rights for God’s will to be done. Daily we
are learning to lay our lives down for each other, to deny ourselves in order to bring joy to the other one. To not
become offended when the other one blows it but to instead pray for that person and to ask God to help them in
their time of need. The Lord is teaching us to put on a spirit of meekness and long-suffering instead of strife and
the pride of demanding our own rights. Eph. 4:22-24
God’s grace is the only thing sufficient for this kind of attitude of the heart. It does not come out of our own
strength. It’s impossible without God’s indwelling presence. We need Him to work in us to will and to do His good
pleasure. Without Him we can do nothing. Continually we must call out to Him for His strength and wisdom to know
when to keep our mouths shut and to die to the desire of our flesh to repay our husbands. Oh, but what glorious
fragrance pours forth when the life that is pouring forth from us is not our flesh but the life of Christ. A fragrance
that permeates our homes and the lives of all those who come in contact with us. God will only be seen in our lives
to the degree that we are willing to die and allow His life to come forth.
Scriptures to memorize:
Amplified Version
Prov 24:29
29 Say not, I will do to him as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for his deed.
Prov 20:22
22 Do not say, I will repay evil; wait (expectantly) for the Lord, and HE will rescue you.
Matt 5:38-48
38 You have heard that it was said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.
39 But I say to you, Do not resist the evil man (who injuries you); but if anyone strikes you on the right jaw or
cheek, turn to him the other one too.
40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your undershirt, let him have your coat also.
41 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.
42 Give to him who keeps on begging from you, and do not turn away from him who would borrow from you.
43 You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.
44 But I tell you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them
which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 To show that you are the children of your Father Who is in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the wicked
and on the good, and on the good, and makes the rain fall upon the upright and the wrongdoers alike.
46 For if you love those who love you, what reward can you have? Do not even the tax collectors do that?
47 And if you greet only your brethren, what more than others are you doing? Do not even the Gentiles (the
heathen) do that?
48 You, therefore, must be perfect (growing into complete maturity of godliness in mind and character, having
reached the proper height of virtue and integrity), as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Copyright 2002. Georgene Girouard. You may copy and share this article with a friend.